“One of my earliest memories was sitting in my granddad’s lap, with my hand pressed against his chest. His skin, leathered from days spent fishing and tending his lawn, stuck out from the soft pink of his shirt.
”Your shirt is soft Granddaddy.”
My grandfather cleared the cigar from his throat.
”I only wear silk shirts.””
Damon's ashes were spread in 2004, but his voice reverberates in the minds of his progeny.
A MAY CHILD WILL: balance a spreadsheet, have her suits ironed, and keep meticulous order of household minutiae. She'll resist mindless chatter, and exercise patience for those who don't.
This is a list of elements of a life well-lived. Some borrowed, some not. If you want more words, I have just the thing for you:
There isn't a single reason why you should listen to what I have to say; if you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.
In memoriam of Paul Damon May:
Protect the brand.
When you're listless, use your hands and body to produce joy.
Bathe outside.
Acknowledge receipt.
Surround yourself with people you admire.
Aptitude for nastiness isn't a virtue.
Know the difference between defensiveness, assertiveness, and "the low road."
Understand and exercise comparative advantage
Love what you eat
Competing with the Jones' is boring and impossible
Understand basic statistics to parse through the BS we are bombarded with incessantly
Make a "gifts & charity" account in your monthly budget
Read poetry outside of weddings and funerals
If your parents didn't teach you etiquette, pick up a damn book and learn it yourself.
Insult intelligently
Be intimately familiar with and willing to accept the worst case scenario at all times
Don't insult where people are from, even if they are from Las Vegas
Know your soft spots
Build your own cabinet of advisers
If you're not editing, don't correct other people's grammar
In fact, only correct people if they're saying something horribly offensive or misquoting you
Understand debt
Don't talk about other people's diets. Or yours.
Learn how to disagree without coming off as a total ass.
There is no downside to recklessly sharing your love.
Learn enough constellations
Have a sport
Acknowledge your ignorance, but don't celebrate it
Learn to give and save face for others
Keep in touch
Show what you've done when you ask for what you want
Do what you say you are going to do
Kiss everyone
Don't let fear of inconsistency prevent you from changing
Go barefoot for part of the day
Give the benefit of the doubt
Learn everyone's name
Poise is sexy
Never wrong those who will always forgive you
Learn how to remove yourself from volatility
Never be too old or rich or stupid to get your hands dirty
Be someone's advocate
It's your call, but if you are a woman, you make some women die inside when you say you hate math. It's not fair that I say this. But it's also making me die inside
You have no choice but to always forgive yourself
Shame vs. Guilt: guilt wins
Fear of embarrassment is a sign of a weak ego
Catharsis isn't actually healthy
Allow dead air in conversation
Do not ever trust a man who tells you his ex girlfriend is crazy
Know three recipes that you can use for any vegetable
Read genres or about topics that are new to you
If you aren't in an operating room, or literally in a life-or-death situation, there is never any reason to yell at someone
Have parties as often as you can
Ask follow-up questions
Ask elders what they regret and what they most enjoyed
Men who are assholes have a habit of doing you a favor in the beginning: they literally tell you they're assholes.
Don't fear death
Follow up on drunk plans
Give good instructions
Don't be useless when your friends are going through death, divorce, or hard times
Mitigate damages
Read your prose out loud
Do it now
Stop apologizing for things you aren't going to change
When you're being verbally attacked, disarm the other side by asking them questions
Avoid addictions
If you lose your patience with someone who's trying their hardest, you're an ass
Travel
People who respond to your upset without listening to your side don't respect you or are exhausted of you
Figure out when you're in a hole, and ask for help getting out
Buy yourself fresh flowers
Always know the value you add to your profession
You don't need to have all the answers to who you are or what you're doing
Don't ask or haggle for what you don't want
It's completely unnecessary for you to talk about why you dislike what makes other people happy
Don't start your day with a phone in your face
If you can, always try and make life easier for others around you
Close your closet doors
Be prepared and content to eat, watch movies, and die, alone
Don't you dare ever put a tomato in the fridge